It's Not Having What You Want, It's Wanting What You've Got

Right now I am tired, sick, stressed, and busy to say the least.  Underneath hours of class, an immense homework load, a trip to FoHo for Jr. High camp, and crazy work hours, there are still small elements in life that need tending to, like my relationship [with Andrew, friends, God, family], finances, and household duties/chores.  I am planning three Valentine's dinners and two "vacation" weekend trips.  Sometimes I feel like there is not enough space in my head to jump the mental hurdles that come with every commitment and obligation.  More often I just feel like there are not enough hours in my day.  Sleep gets shafted (quickly), meals become occasional, and just about everything else that can be stretched, is stretched.


Now that my whining is over, I will get to the "meat."


I wake up in the morning feeling worse and farther behind than I was when I went to bed.  I have physical pain and sickness creeping up on me and my head is constantly spinning.  This morning was no different.  I got up at 4:00am, got ready and headed into work by 5:00am, and pushed it out till 10:00am.  At first, I wanted to shoot myself.  Ok, that is an exaggeration, but what I really wanted to do was to just faint or pass out or physically pull off some stunt that would get me into the hospital so that I would be forced to rest and sleep and slow down.


Then the weirdest thing happened-- all these worship songs started popping into my head, most notably "Glory to God Forever."  I haven't listened to that song in weeks, and I don't know why it surfaced in my weary brain, but take a look at these lyrics:

Take my life and let it be

all for You and for Your glory,

take my life and let it be Yours.

We sing

Glory to God, Glory to God,

Glory to God Forever!

It hit me like a train and I prayed on the spot.  Why do I let these distractions of life affect me the way they do?  Why am I so untrusting? Why am I knit-picking over my schedule and wringing my hands over the uncertainty of my future when I am in the hands of an almighty God?  I should rather see my commitments as spheres of influence and realize that others look to me to see how I react in these situations.  I feel like this was the Spirit reminding me that I am setting examples every day for friends and strangers alike, and not to take that for granted.  Also, I had to do a heart check and realize I am leaning on other things to get me through these weeks, and perhaps that is the reason my problems "persist" and do not go away.

Matthew 11:28

"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

Jesus didn't hang and suffocate on a cross so that I could live a life like this.  He came and died so I could be blessed enough to have a relationship with him during every season of my life, so that I could lean on Him as my defender, protector, healer, and strength.