Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I envy all of you in my feed that have time to blog daily, or even weekly.

Where does the madness end?!!

I am now taking preventative measures to avoid the looming panic attack.  I feel it in my breathing, I see it in my sleeping and in my dreaming, and now I am feeling it in my waking, and much more pronounced than last week or the week before.  I still have yet to resort to anxiety pills, because I am trying to reject that weakness in me.  I took Saturday off from work (to no avail, in terms of getting rest) and I am taking it off again this Saturday to hike with Mel and Deb.  A change of scenery (and getting out of this disheveled house) should be nice.  Actually, don't get me started talking about the house.  Midterms are just around the corner (next week) and I have only just received my books for classes.  Oof.

Over the summer I worked 8-12 hours a week and I trained for a marathon.  That freedom feels like ages ago.

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord
Take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above"
                                --Come Thy Fount 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Thoughts standing up... rambling away...

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk..

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America
did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I used to look forward to a red light is when I was trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.  Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm infertile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition beforehand.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it..

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on the Yahoo home page 
and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.  :)   (Except Travis Gilley)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

It's Not Having What You Want, It's Wanting What You've Got

Right now I am tired, sick, stressed, and busy to say the least.  Underneath hours of class, an immense homework load, a trip to FoHo for Jr. High camp, and crazy work hours, there are still small elements in life that need tending to, like my relationship [with Andrew, friends, God, family], finances, and household duties/chores.  I am planning three Valentine's dinners and two "vacation" weekend trips.  Sometimes I feel like there is not enough space in my head to jump the mental hurdles that come with every commitment and obligation.  More often I just feel like there are not enough hours in my day.  Sleep gets shafted (quickly), meals become occasional, and just about everything else that can be stretched, is stretched.

Now that my whining is over, I will get to the "meat."

I wake up in the morning feeling worse and farther behind than I was when I went to bed.  I have physical pain and sickness creeping up on me and my head is constantly spinning.  This morning was no different.  I got up at 4:00am, got ready and headed into work by 5:00am, and pushed it out till 10:00am.  At first, I wanted to shoot myself.  Ok, that is an exaggeration, but what I really wanted to do was to just faint or pass out or physically pull off some stunt that would get me into the hospital so that I would be forced to rest and sleep and slow down.

Then the weirdest thing happened-- all these worship songs started popping into my head, most notably "Glory to God Forever."  I haven't listened to that song in weeks, and I don't know why it surfaced in my weary brain, but take a look at these lyrics:
Take my life and let it be
all for You and for Your glory,
take my life and let it be Yours.
We sing
Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God Forever!
It hit me like a train and I prayed on the spot.  Why do I let these distractions of life affect me the way they do?  Why am I so untrusting? Why am I knit-picking over my schedule and wringing my hands over the uncertainty of my future when I am in the hands of an almighty God?  I should rather see my commitments as spheres of influence and realize that others look to me to see how I react in these situations.  I feel like this was the Spirit reminding me that I am setting examples every day for friends and strangers alike, and not to take that for granted.  Also, I had to do a heart check and realize I am leaning on other things to get me through these weeks, and perhaps that is the reason my problems "persist" and do not go away.

Matthew 11:28
"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
Jesus didn't hang and suffocate on a cross so that I could live a life like this.  He came and died so I could be blessed enough to have a relationship with him during every season of my life, so that I could lean on Him as my defender, protector, healer, and strength.